The Rock Bible

The Rock Bible

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Like Moses delivering forth the Ten Commandments, Chunklet magazine presents you with The Rock Biblea€”the complete rules for living an authentic life of rock a€™na€™ roll. Here are hundreds of wise and witty guidelines for Drummers: a€œIf youa€™re one of those drummers who sets up at the front of the stage, back the hell up. You are the goalies of rock; play your position.a€ Singers: a€œWhen you feel like stage-diving, first make sure the people in the front like your music enough to catch you.a€ Guitarists: a€œNo onea€™s looking at your guitar strap. Dona€™t ever spend more than the cost of an average meal on something that can be replaced by a particularly hearty piece of string.a€ Keyboardists: a€œTherea€™s only one person who will look more ridiculous and offensive in leather pants than the lead singer: the keyboard player.a€ Onstage Antics: a€œBeing wasted onstage works for only about 5 percent of bands, and yours isna€™t one of them.a€ Fans: a€œFans that dress like the band are just asking to be pummeled. If you want to be in the band that badly, you might as well bring your gear to the show and play along from the audience.a€ And unholy words on much, much more.154Ifyour hair gets more attention than your music, you should wear a hairnet. 155 If you have atattoo that reads a€œmayhem, a€ a€œchaos, a€ etc., across yourtorso, any girl could kick your skinny ass. 156 AStax Records T-shirt can be worn only ifanbsp;...

Title:The Rock Bible
Author:Henry Owings
Publisher:Quirk Books - 2015-02-10


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